When I was inpatient, I often felt like I was in a sci-fi story. The plot had something to do with a prison that did medical experiments on the inmates. The NICU also feels like a sci-fi story, but this one is more like being on a space ship taking care of baby aliens. The NICU is in the newer part of the hospital. It has long hallways, futuristic-looking rooms, the doctors travel around with mobile computer stations while they do their rounds, most of what they say makes no sense, and of course having the babies in the isolettes makes it feel even more alien-like.

It’s also a very sterile environment. Since preemies don’t have great immune systems, keeping germs in check is a top priority. No rings. Scrub your hands when you come in. Use anti-bacterial gel every time you go in or out of a room. Never reuse anything. This adds to the sci-fi feel.

It has been quite an adjustment getting used to life in the NICU after 53 days of living in the hospital, which wasn’t made any easier due to Margo’s lung issues.

Earlier this week, on Monday, Margo looked like this with a chest tube, ventilator, and jaundice light.

It was so hard to watch our little baby struggling, and it broke my heart to not be able to hold her for 6 days. Once she got off the ventilator and chest tube, it took a few days to wean her off of morphine because she was having withdrawal symptoms. It’s hard not to wonder what long-term impact that might have on her brain receptors, but it’s probably best not to think about that. She was only on it for a few days. Our little scare here makes me thankful that we made it to 32 weeks and that hopefully this is the most dramatic thing that will happen to us. I can’t imagine the stress that micropreemie parents go through.

But now, just a few days later, she looks like this! Her CPAP is now on the lowest setting, and her PICC line is out.

Meanwhile, her sister Annalee got her CPAP off! All she has now is the feeding tube. We love that we can see her pretty face.

I can already sense some personality differences, and I wonder if they will persist. Margo came out kicking and screaming, and then overdid it and had to go on the ventilator. She’s been a bit more fussy and reactive, which could be due to the morphine. I wonder if she will always be the more dramatic one. Annalee seems pretty chill in comparison.

In many ways, NICU life is not so bad. I’m generally there from 9-5. I still come to the same hospital every day, so there is some continuity with my inpatient life. I saw my doctor in the cafeteria line! I help out with diaper changes and temperature checks (when I want to, but I can skip them if I don’t want to), and I usually hold the babies for at least an hour each (separately since they are in different rooms — we are waiting for a twin room to open up. Get out of here, modi twins next door!). Then around 5, I pick up Sam from daycare, and we resume our typical evening routine. It’s not a bad way to ease into life with twins. I can cook dinner. I even had time to freeze some tomatoes and zucchini from our garden.

I am trying to be patient because I think we will be here awhile. I get the sense that this NICU is pretty conservative in their care progression. This is good for the babies, but I don’t think we will have a magical 3-week stay like some 32 weekers do. But it’s already been over a week and it won’t be long before these babies come home!

It’s nice to be involved in Sam’s routine again. Three is my favorite age so far. Erin started a bedtime chat with Sam while I was gone, and I finally got to participate.

Here is what Sam had to say during our chat:

• He doesn’t like his new daycare room because it’s too crowded. (I think it’s less crowded now that the big kids went to “Kitty Cat Garden” but he’s holding onto this complaint!)
• He thinks we need to fix the fence so Ovie can’t escape to the neighbor’s house (Ovie does this daily now, mainly just because he can). We had a chat about chicken wire.
• Super Truck is really cool.
• Bee blankey is really smart.

Sam has been pretty fun to be around lately. He is full of jokes. He has a friend at daycare named Eugene who he started calling “Eugene Green Bean,” and he often says “Guess what? Take a butt!” followed by laughter.

He also seems quite interested in his sisters, although I don’t think he fully understands that they will come home and live with us forever. He also doesn’t know that it is abnormal for babies to not come home right away since he has nothing to compare it to. He likes that their NICU cribs have wheels on them, and he often asks when he can go see them again. He wants to teach them how to jump and how to chase Ovie. ❤️ Poor Ovie.

Meanwhile, the dogs are happy that I am home. Patches won’t leave my side. She is the best mama bear.

And even Ovie has been hanging around me more. They seem to sense that something is different. Maybe because they can smell the milk?