At 8 weeks, I learned that I was expecting twins. Not everyone can afford twins. Not everyone is healthy enough to carry twins. Not everyone is in a situation where they can introduce twins into their lives. Twin pregnancy is really hard. So much harder than singleton pregnancy. That should be a choice.

Around 10 weeks, I learned that the twins might be conjoined. It wasn’t until 12 weeks that my doctors confirmed the twins were not conjoined. What if I learned at 10 or 12 weeks that they were conjoined? Then it would be several more weeks before we’d learn what kind of outcomes we might expect based on the particular conjoined situation. I should have the choice to proceed with that or not, based on my evaluation of the risks vs outcomes, as the babies develop.

At 10 weeks and 12 weeks, during the conversations about what to expect on this momo twin journey, I had two separate doctors mention termination as an option. While this is not the route we chose, I appreciate the option. This is not an easy journey, and you have to be ready for it. I feel privileged that I can take on:

• the risk of possibly losing my job because FMLA is insufficient for my needs in this situation. My job is technically not protected unless I come back to work way too early (luckily I have a team that supports me and this won’t be an issue)
• the risk of lost wages due to extra time off and reduced pay during leave
• leaving my 3-year-old at home while I go live in the hospital for up to 10 weeks. If I did not have a supportive and engaged husband like Erin, I would not be able to do this

And that’s just the risks of proceeding as is, knowing what we know now. These twins are at a higher risk for heart defects and other birth defects, and over the next several weeks, my doctors will be looking closely for these issues. No one wants to have an abortion, and especially not after the first trimester, but if I learned over the next few weeks that these babies had significant birth defects that would impact their quality of life, I would want the option to choose how to proceed. So far everything looks good, but it can change at any time.

These twins also could die at basically any time between now and delivery because of cord entanglement risks. One of the biggest decisions I have to make is deciding when do I want to go live in the hospital. Most people in this situation go around 24-26 weeks, but it’s based on my own evaluation of risks, quality of life, and viability at 24 vs 25 vs 26 weeks to decide when I want to go in. If I don’t think we can take on the risks of babies born at 24 weeks, I don’t go in until 25 weeks, or 26, or whenever I am comfortable with the statistics. That means that if I chose to go in at 25 weeks, but the babies encountered significant entanglement issues at 24 weeks, they would die rather than be delivered, and that would be the end of our story. Will choices like that be infringed upon, too? Would Alabama force me to go into the hospital at 23 weeks? Would I be charged with murder if I didn’t go?

I get that we like to pretend that this is God’s will and that we shouldn’t make decisions about an innocent life that has no agency. Agency is important, and any decisions about someone else’s life shouldn’t be taken lightly. But when has this concept of God’s will and agency stopped us before? Parents make choices for their children every day. It is our responsibility to make good decisions based on what we know, for their own good. On a grander scale, we intervene with human life all the time, whether it’s with futile efforts to keep a brain-dead person alive, with bombs and wars, or with the ways we, as a society, don’t support the people we have living today. This concept that one type of human life is now suddenly sacred is complete BS.

One thing about humans that is sacred is that we have choices. Always. Whether the government technically allows them or not. Taking away choice is not the way to move humanity forward. Building support systems and communities that help people make good choices is the way forward.

And, if my babies were to run into severe complications, I can still lay them to rest and honor them as people, even if they don’t ever breathe the outside air. I can treat their lives with honor while still having a choice.